The Awkward interactions of Spider-man and Tracer
by Mr spidey 101
Summary: Tracer is on vacation and on said vacation she meets everyone's favorite spandex clad spider Spider-man Rated T for some language and some rry about the wait on the next chapter I've been busy it should be here soon!
1. Chapter 1

Peter Benjamin Parker(Spider-man) :22 years old,Awkward,Nerdy,Knows for a fact Star Wars is better than Star Trek.,Favourite Star Wars movie:Empire Strikes Back

Lena Oxton(Tracer):21 years old,Loud,outgoing,Consumes 90 percent more coffee than the average human.,Favourite Band:Weezer

"Yes Winston I'll be fine…...Oh of course I'll bring you back a souvenir. How does a snow globe sound, ok a miniature of the statue of liberty works too."

"Oh and Lena be careful."

"I'll be fine."

Lena hangs up her phone and looks out the window of her plane to see it was about to land in where else but New York City (In case you couldn't tell from context clues). When she finally made it out of the airport she felt like Dorothy when she landed in Oz, there was so much for her to gawk at, so much awe and wonder,She thought it was great and all until she looked up and saw….

"Spidey you dick, you cheated!"

"Oh my god that's the .. the …" Lena immediately became distracted as she saw the Onesie clad warrior himself... Spider-man.

"BS I did not!"

"Oi Spider-man!" she yelled trying to get his attention

Spider-man heard this and landed on the roof of the McDonald's next to her, but when he was about to jump off he tripped and fell off the roof…..on to the cement…...on his face

"Ugh kill me." Spider-man said his face muffled by the cement

"Oh bollocks let me help" Lena sticks her hand out, Spider-man grabs it and she begins to pull him up.

"Sorry about tha-" Spider-man had locked eyes with her so y'know that thing that happened to Andy Samberg and Selena Gomez in Hotel Transylvania well that happened.

"Oh it's n-nothing." Lena said awkwardly

"So uh what was it that you needed?"

"Selfie?"

"Oh yeah of course I mean why not."

So Lena took out her phone and got a selfie with the Web-Head.

"Soooo what's your name?"

"Uhhhh Lena Oxton."

"Oh cool I guess I'll see ya aro-"

"Peter!" Spider-man turned around it was the Human Torch

"What?!"

"We're gonna be late!"

"For wha- Oh my god Franklin's graduation."

And with that the first chapter of my strange little crossover is finished, Let me know what you thought and tell me how I could improve, it helps!


	2. Chapter 2

Peter Benjamin Parker(Confused about his life and decisions leading up to this point in his life):22 years old, meta human,friends with Iron Man,Can mathematically prove that Transformers 4 is terrible.

Lena Oxton(Is going through constant nerdgasms after meeting Spider-man):21 years old,Brunette,Her best friend is a giant, talking, hyper-intelligent ape, cheats every time she races someone.

Wade Winston Wilson(Deadpool):Raging Sex Machine, Loves chimi-

"Wait I didn't write that."

"I did!" A Ryan Reynolds sounding voice said

"Oh god please strike me dead."  
"Yes it is I Deadpool! The Merc With a Mouth,Ninja Spider-man,the man who out grossed Batman and Superman, well it was only domestically but y'know who gives a shit?"

"Kill me."

"Ugh I'm a mess!" Peter screamed into his pillow

"Yeah you are." Johnny replied

"I wish I was dead!" Peter yelled

"Is this about that girl you met?"

"What, no what do you think this is some kinda fanfiction?"

"Anyway what's wrong with you?"

"Tony forced me to go on vacation."

"And that's a bad thing….. Why?

"They were just about to go into space and fight Thanos."

"Aw poor thing."

Johnny sat down on Peter's bed/couch and began sarcastically patting him on the back Y'know like a douche.

"So why can't you go into space?"

"My powers aren't working."  
"What since when?"

"Since yesterday. But don't worry this happens every year."

"So like a yearly form of a man period but with spider powers."

"Basically."

Then seemingly there to make sure the writer didn't have to write more banter, there was a knock at the door. Peter forced himself out of his bed/couch and answered the door.

"Hello.. oh it's you."

"Aww I love you too." Deadpool replied

"Why exactly are you here?"

"Well to kick your ass for breaking the fourth wall because that's my thing and to watch you."

"Watch me why?"

Deadpool shrugged "Iron man told me to."

Peter sighed as Deadpool walked over to his fridge and pulled out a beer.  
"Why do you have this if you can't get drunk?" He opened the bottle and began drinking it.

"You can't either so why are you drinking it?"

"Good point."

Then (Because Fanfiction) there was another knock so Peter went to Answer the door.

"Yes?"

"Oh hi I'm your new neighbor."

I was Lena A.K.A Tracer.

"Man this really is a fanfiction" Deadpool said

And with that the second chapter comes close and don't worry there will be more Deadpool

"There better be."

"Deadpool just end your own life."

"Hahahaha I can see the angry comments from miles away."


	3. Chapter 3

UPDATE! Sorry it took so long to write this chapter mainly because I had an entire chapter written out but it was entirely filler so I had to write something off the top of my head this chapter takes place during the Avengers Vs X-men story with Spider-man fighting Ice-man and his then girlfriend Kitty Pryde.

Spider-man was running as fast as he could.  
"Y'know this is just great!" He shouted at the top of his lungs

He stopped to hopefully get a good hit in before he most likely dies as it was Ice-man A.K.A Bobby Drake chasing him, who if you weren't aware is an omega level mutant.

"Bobby this isn't a personal thing is it?" Peter asked as he dodged a Ice blast.

"Kinda yeah!" Bobby was still blasting ice at him.

Spidey easily dodged and web swung away trying to get an advantage. But as soon as he swung Bobby was right behind him shooting tiny ice shards at him from behind, Spidey dodged most of them before one got him in the side and he crashed into the window of a building. Spider-man could barely stand at this point ,the ice stuck in his side was slowly giving him frostbite and all the glass stuck in his back wasn't exactly helping.

"Come on Bobby can't we talk this over?" Spider-man was wheezing at this point.

"Peter there's no talking at this point just...please I don't want to hurt you."

"Fine."

Peter stood up to shake Bobby's hand but once Bobby stuck his hand out Spidey punched him in the face breaking his nose.

"Stay down."Spidey said, webbing him up.

A few buildings down Emma Frost was watching the battle with Kitty Pyrde.

"Oh that is just fantastic!" Emma shouted

"What? Is Peter Ok? Is Bobby Ok?"

"Your little boyfriend is fine but Bobby's down."

"Well what do we do?"

"I have an idea."

Spider-man took off his mask and sat down next to Bobby.

"Y'know I can freeze this right?"

"Y'know I can do this right?"

"Do wha-"

Before he could finish Spider-man punched him in the face knocking him out

"Well I'm out!" He swings off and while swing he hears a voice screaming for him.

"Gwen?" he lands and see's Gwen Stacey alive and well

"Peter."

Peter fell to his knees and grabs her waist.

"Oh god Gwen Gwen Gwen I'm so sorry I'm so sorry."

"Shhh it's ok Peter,it's ok."

"Gwen how did this happe-"

He looked down and saw a hand going through his chest, he turned around it was his girlfriend.

"Kitty?" He whimpered.

"I'm so sorry Peter." He turned back around only not to see Gwen but Emma Frost.

"Good night….Petey." Emma Frost whispered in Peter's ear as she turned back into normal self. Kitty pulled her arm out, Peter collapsed in tears and agony.

"I'm so sorry Peter I should've never agreed to this." Instead of responding Peter just stood up and shot an impact web at Emma's head and then lunged at her and started beating on Emma.

"Peter, Stop!"Kitty screamed

"You Bitch I'm going to kill you!" Peter screamed at Emma as he kept beating her.

"Peter you need to stop." Peter looked up to Iron Man holding his arm up charging up his repulsor. Peter looked back down at his hands,the knuckles of his gloves had torn off Emma's face was bruised and bloodied.

"Oh god what have I done." Peter looked back at Kitty she looked utterly mortified.

"Oh god Kitt-"

"Don't touch me!" Kitty screamed

"Kitty look I'm sorry."

"You're a monster."

"I know but Kitty she brought up Gwen and I-"

"Peter it's time to go." It was Tony grabbing Peter's shoulder in a fatherly way. Peter turned around and began to walk off and Kitty dropped something small, it was a ring she was going to propose to Peter.

"I'm sorry Pete." She whispered to herself.

Present day

"Jesus how many exes have you had?" Lena asked

"Oh god way too many." Peter replied.

"So how did last one end?"

"That's a story I'd rather not cover."

"Oh yeah it's a mess of a story!" Deadpool (who is still here for some reason)shouted from the kitchen

"Why are you still here Wade?"

"Cuz I like your place."

"How could like this dump?" Lena joked

"Hey you have the exact same model y'know?" Peter rebutted

"Shut up!" Lena shouted playfully

And with that the chapter comes to a close again sorry this took so long I went through like 3 drafts before I found one I liked( and yes I'm aware I changed stuff from AvX)


	4. Chapter 4

UPDATE:New chapters will come out later than usual so they could be longer :D #Canceremoticons

Peter Benjamin Parker(Feels like his friends are eating him out of house and home):Wear's a lot of spandex,In middle school he tried to dye his hair black(Ooh edgy),Literally gets paid to take selfies.

Lena Oxton(Ate Peter's entire box of week old pizza):Has an incredibly fast metabolism, Has like 5 variations of the same outfit,works at McDonald's.

"So who would you tap?" Johnny asked the group of 3 guys and 1 girl. Peter had to think about this there were so many attractive women that he knew 'Well there's Black Widow but she's like a psycho,She hulk would destroy me,hmmmm' Peter thought to himself this was most likely the most important decision he will ever make.

"Oh definitely Black Widow." Deadpool chimed in confidentially. Everyone was shaking their heads in agreement.'Oh god there's too many to chose from!' Peter was dying on the inside.

"Oh I got it! Wait for it….She Hulk." Johnny stated confidently followed by more agreement.

Peter looked over at Lena she looked like she was gonna tell them the hottest woman of all time,He was honestly kinda scared.

"You boys ready to blow your loads at this one?" Lena questioned jokingly.

"Well I'm wearing protection at all times so I should be fine." Peter quipped.

"...Squirrel Girl." Lena looked so confident.

"Wait isn't she like 14?"Johnny asked.

"Nah man she's like 19." Deadpool replied.

"And how would you know this Mister Pool." Lena asked.

"I've totally tapped that."

"Bullshit!" Peter yelled

"Dude, I've slept with like everything!"

"Yeah everything that can stand your burger face!"

'At least I can keep a stable relationship!"

"Oooooh ,Peter you just got roasted!" Johnny said.

"How are you gonna come back Petey?"Lena asked.

"I can't." Peter replied

"Peter here is the biggest slut on this side on the mississippi." Deadpool said

"Guilty."Peter admitted

"Anyway Peter what's your pick?" Lena asked

"Easy, Spider-Woman."

"Which one?"Deadpool asked

"The real question is why not all of them?"

"Wait are you proposing a foursome with all the Spider-Women?" Johnny asked

"Pssh Peter could pull it off."Lena said with a seductive look before she realized the awkwardness of what she just said. Lena was a deep shade of red almost a maroon color,Peter was almost the exact tension between the two could kill a man Peter was trying to play it cool but coming off as more awkward while Lena was frozen she wasn't exactly 'helping' either. It felt like hours until something broke the tension, it was a large explosion.

"Aw this is just peachy." Peter dryly joked.

"Well that's my que." Johnny said.

"Aw man thank god for explosions that break tensions so the writer does not have to keep writing."Deadpool quipped breaking the fourth wall as he usually does. Trio of guys began to run out of Peter's dinky little apartment before being interrupted by Lena on the way out.

"Wait Peter,Just be careful"Peter stopped right before he was about to go down the stairs.

"I'll be fine,Besides when has the good ol' Parker luck let me down?"

"I don't know like every time."Johnny replied.

"Come on we've got to go!"

"Wait does she know you're-"

"A photographer, yes."

The boys ran down as Tracer watched.'I hope Peter doesn't get hurt I mean he's just a regular guy.' she thought to herself.

"Jesus Lena you need to chill, he'll be fine." She opened the door to her apartment(which was right next to Peter's). She walked to her bedroom and plopped down on her twin bed. She pulled out her phone and began scrolling through photos, laughing at all the fun times she had with the trio of guys until she came across one Wade took. It was her and Peter at central park laughing together. It was beautiful the sun was just in the right place, all the flowers around them were blooming.

She sighed and tossed her phone on her nightstand she began to stare at the ceiling thinking 'Peters gonna be fine,right?'.

"Peter why can't you just get out of my head?!" She shouted

"But hey do I really want him out of my head?" She then closed her eyes and fell asleep.

"Hello?" Lena shouted she was in a large white canvas.

"Here come dat boi!" she heard someone shout. When out of nowhere a frog on a unicycle rode in and started pedaling but it wasn't moving.

"OH SHIT WADDUP!" this series of events kept happening for almost 2 hours. After the first hour Lena began to question her very existence and the existence of everyone around her.

"Am I dead yet." she whispered.

"No not yet." She turned around it was Peter standing there wearing a pedo trenchcoat..

"Quite the funny meme huh?"

"No this meme makes me want to kill myself."

"Why is that?"

"It's been going on for 2 hours."

"Hey you should go outside."

"Why it's like 2 in the morning." And, with that she woke up and began to walk outside. She opened her door and saw Peter opening his door.

"Hey Peter."

"Oh hey you're up rather….early."

"Peter?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you wearing a Spider-man costume?"

"Well you see I w-"

"You're not, oh my god you are!"

"Shhhhhh" Peter was freaking out this was kind of a big deal. This girl he met like 3 weeks ago found out he was, found out what he was.

"Just don't tell anyone." he whispered

"Oh I won't ,on one condition."

"Oh my god, You're blackmailing me really?"

"Yes I am."

End(No I'm not going to make some jokes cause I used all my good material in this chapter)


	5. First chapter with a title cool

"Come into my parlor said the spider to the fly." Widowmaker whispered to herself as she lined up her shot.

"So who exactly is the spider here? I mean I thought I was being original with this whole spider motif but apparently not," Widowmaker turned around to see 'The Amazing Spider-man' leaning against a chimney.

"If you want to take legal action I would totally understand."

"So this is the Spider-Man?" She scoffed "I am frankly underwhelmed." Sarcasm echoed throughout her voice.

"Wait I got it you're the spider your target is the fly and I am not part of the voice line." Spider-man snapped his fingers in disappointment.

"You just love hearing the sound of your own voice don't you?" Widowmaker quipped as she raised her rifle at him.

"That's it, no terrible pun, no joke about my outfit? Jeez here I thought you were gonna be fun." Spidey whined before a flurry of bullets was sent his way. He easily dodged them and landed in a handstand.

"Wow I'm impressed, you were trying to miss right?" Peter showed off whenever he could. Widowmaker growled as she tried to shoot him again with yet again poor results.

"How do you keep missing? I mean holy shit you're number 3 on the FBI's most wanted list and this is the best you can pull off?"

"Only number 3?" She quipped in a faux sad tone."Who am I under then if I'm only number 3?" she sounded more confident this time around.

"Let's see your edgy boyfriend, what was his name Rapper, raper?" He asked whilst dodging more bullets

"Reaper and he's not my boyfriend. But please go on."

"At number one is someone I've had personal experience with."

"Well don't keep me waiting who is it?" She was genuinely curious at this point.

"Cletus Kasady AKA Carnage." The french womans gun clicked as Spidey stopped dodging and launched at her with his fist in the air. She flinched before he stopped started laughing.

"You should've seen your face!" Peter choked between laughs. After a few seconds Widowmaker slowly started laughing too. Peter laughing slowly evolved into coughing.

"Oh would you look at that," He coughed out "You shot me."

Widowmaker cleared her throat "I thought you knew I never miss."

"But you did like several times." Spider-man sat down "Do you mind if I take off the mask."

"Go ahead if you want to spend your last moments without it I won't mind." Peter took of his mask revealing his shaggy brown hair. His breathing was heavy and he would wince every few seconds. Widowmaker looked down with pride at her kill as she loaded her rifle and aimed down at him, grin plastered across her face.

"Y'know you're actual target got away." Her grin quickly faded as she lowered her gun and ran to the balcony.

" _Zut!"_ He was right her target was long gone "Mind if I sit?" She sighed

"Go ahead no ones stopping you." She sat down next to him and groaned.

"I can't believe I let him get away."

"Hey don't be so hard on yourself." He joked.

"Thanks for the support." she replied just as sarcastically

"So I uh never caught your name."

"Amelie."

"Huh never met an Amelie before." He joked "I'm Peter." He stuck his hand out for a handshake but she (being the classy lady she is) stuck her hand out for a kiss. Peter (being the gentlemen he is) happily obliged.

"Real classy." 'Peter what the fuck are you doing you idiot you're going to get yourself killed I swear to god' He cursed himself out mentally.

"Real funny."

"Oooo nice banter." Peter began coughing again it was louder this time around followed by the spitting of blood.

"Could you do that somewhere else?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because you shot me, speaking of which do you have anything for this bullet wound?"

"Why would I want to help you?"

"Because I'm cute." Peter was (even in his current state) forcing himself to quip.

"You've got me there." She handed him some medkit she basically pulled out of her ass.

"Thanks." He began patching himself up. "Y'know I had a date tonight."

"Really?"

"Yeah I had to cancel after I saw some blue chick with a gun on top a roof." Peter began wincing and moaning as he stood up.

"Well if it's any consolation I'm sorry you missed your date."

"I'm sure she'll understand because I uh y'know got shot ."

"That's true."

"Well I guess I'll see you around."

"Likewise…...Peter."

Lena Oxton was deep in slumber, after Peter last minute flaked out she deserved a good night's sleep. She was nice and comfy before a wrapping came from the door. So she pulled herself out of bed to investigate, she then opened the window to shout but was greeted by Peter Parker.

"Hey."

"Uhhh hi."

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah sure." Peter climbed in.

"So why didn't you come in through your window?"

"Well let me answer your question with another question,Have you ever removed a bullet?"

"Oh." After the removing of the bullet Tracer's floor was a mess covered in tissues.

"You know you would think with all these tissues it would be my 15 year old self's room."

"Eww." Tracer giggled.

"Hey it's perfectly natural." Peter stood up and began walking toward the door.

"Wait you can't go luv."

"Why not?

"I mean look at you, you're in terrible shape luv."

"I'll be fine."

"No you won't." Lena said definitely

"From the sounds of it you want me to stay."

"Maybe I do, so what?"

"Fine I'll stay."

"Besides you owe me."

"That is true." Peter admitted "But where am I supposed to sleep?"

"I mean you could sleep in my bed if you want luv."

"I am deeply offended you would take advantage of me in my vulnerable state." Peter joked. Lena started half yawning half laughing. "Woah there party animal you better chill out."

Tracer collapsed and yawned "Cheers luv the cavalry's here." Before Peter collapsed right next to her.

Sorry about the long wait, but hey to make up for it this chapter is 1000 words long! So y'know more shitty fanfictions coming soon.


End file.
